LANGUAGE IN THE WORK PLACE...

Notification to all staff regarding Offensive Language

It has been brought to the attention of the Management that certain individuals have been using bad language at work.
Due to complaints from some of the employees and customers who are more easily offended, this kind of language will no longer be tolerated.
However the management are not entirely without feeling and do recognise the significance and importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when communicating and interacting with their fellow colleagues.
With this in mind the Human Resources section has compile a list of key phrases and their more respectable and acceptable replacements, so the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an affective and productive manner without risking offence to the more sensitive employees and in tandem allowing the verbal employees to not suffer undue stress whilst having to bottle up their emotions.

OLD PHRASE & NEW PHRASE

No Fucking Way!
I'm fairly sure that's not really feasible

You're Fucking kidding?
Really?

Tell someone who gives a Fuck
I will have to run that one by !!!!

No Bastard told me?
I wasn't informed of that

I don't have Fucking time!
Perhaps I can work late?

Who Fucking cares?
Are you sure there's a problem?

Eat Shit and Die
You don't say!

Eat Shit and Die Mother Fucker!!!
You don't say, Sir

Kiss my ass...
So then, would you like to help me?

Kiss my ass, Kiss his ass, kiss everyone's ass
Group Hug…

She's/He's a Fucking prick...
She/He's somewhat Insensitive

She's a ball busting, Bad ass Bitch
She's an Aggressive Go-Getter

You really haven't got a Fucking Clue, Have you?
You could perhaps do with a little more training

This place is Fucked!
We're a little disorganised today..

This place is Fucked again..
We're all sacked...

What the Hell sort of FuckWit are you?
You're Kind'a New here aren't you ?

Fuck Off, Shit Head
Well, there you go, something I didn't know, thanks for sharing it with me..

You're a Fucking Asshole aren't you ?
You're my Supervisor aren't you ?

Fuck Off...
I'll look into it and get right back to you

Fuck Off, You Dickhead
I no longer need your assistance.

Fuck Me....
Well, there's summat you don't see everyday

How do you get this piece of shit to work?
I could use a little more training..

Fucking Loser!!!!
Gee that really was unfortunate...

Stick you're head up your ass and fight for breath...
That was a great Idea, Why couldn't I have thought of it first

I've Fucked up...
I appear to have made an error

You're a fucking liar...
You must be wrong...