INSULTS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

"I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?"

"I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!"

"I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you."

"I like your approach, now let's see your departure."

"I'd slap you senseless...but I can't spare three seconds!"

"I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo."

"If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!"

"If I wanted some "come-back," I would wipe it off your lip."

"If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart."

"If idiots could fly, this would be an airport."

"If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head."

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable."

"If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!"

"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

"If you were a body of water, you'd be a kiddie pool."

"I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying."

"If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

"I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!"

"Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested."

"Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!"

"Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself."

"Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper! "

"Last time I saw you, you had lost some weight, looks like you found it."

"You are so stupid, you couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions
were written on the bottom of the heel."

"If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave his ass and walk him backwards."

"The best part of you ran down your old man's leg."

"Nice face...want a gun?"

"You're so dull, if you were a Spice Girl, you'd be Amish Spice!"

(Say to loser guy that won't leave you alone) "I'm sorry, I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

"I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of my had correct change."

"I would have been your dad, but the dog beat me up the stairs."

"All of your ancestors must number in the thousands; it's hard to believe that
many people are to blame for producing you."

"Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?"

"Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up."

"Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner."

"Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?"

"Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?"

"Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?"

"Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words."

"Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!"

"Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?"

"I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?"

"Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already
without your working so hard to give us another?"

"Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down."

"Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner."

"Excellent time to become a missing person."

"He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory."

"He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome."

"He is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost."

"He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry."

"Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?"

"I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't help me!"

"I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat."

"I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!"

"I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of
others?"

"I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside."

"I hear what you're saying but I just don't care."

"I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla."