Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate, 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. His friend replied, 'You're so fucking lucky. Mine's still alive!'
A guy was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked him to check her balance. So he pushed her over.
First guy, "What's the difference between light and hard?" Second guy, "You can sleep with a light on."
A guy was telling me that he kept having his profile on those dating websites rejected. When I asked why he said, "One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?' Apparently, 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer."
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