GENESIS THE FORGOTTEN CHAPTER..

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to the question,

"Where do pets come from?"

Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know that I love you even when you cannot see me.

Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam & he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Garden and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.

And the cat didn't care one way or the other.

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR DOCTOR OR SURGEON....

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that ... uh ... that uh..... thingie

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

There go the lights again...

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys.. and this guy's got two of'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, shcmedle. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

DOG V CAT

What is a Cat?

1) Cats do what they want.

2) They rarely listen to you.

3) They're totally unpredictable.

4) They whine when they are not happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.

6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8) They're moody.

9) They leave hair everywhere.

10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They're tiny little women in fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

2) They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.

3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.

4) They growl when they are not happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to play.

6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7) They are great at begging.

8) They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

9) They leave their toys everywhere.

10) They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny little men in fur coats.....

HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

Golden Retriever
The sun is shining, the day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out lightbulb?

Border Collie
Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

German Shepherd
I'll guard the lightbulb while you decide. Back off!

Dachshund
I can't reach the stupid light!

Toy Poodle
I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler
Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu
Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Leave it for the servants.

Lab
Oh, me, ME!!! Pleeeeeeze let ME change the bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute
Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Chow Chow
I'm with the malamute. After I take my nap that is!

Akita
I'm with the chow and malamute! What's for dinner?

Jack Russell Terrier OR Wire-haired Fox Terrier
I can reach it! I just KNOW I can reach it! Another twenty jumps, and it's mine, ALL mine!!

Cocker Spaniel
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Greyhound
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Kelpie
Put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Pointer
I see it, there it is, rrrrriiiiiiight there.