FASHION ADVICE FOR THE SENIORS

Many of us 'Old Folks' (over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling 'young', we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.

Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2.. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Miniskirts and varicose veins

SENIOR MOMENT American style

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,upon returning to her car

found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her hand gun,proceeding

to scream at the top of her voice,"I have a gun,and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car..!!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.They got out and ran like mad.

The lady some what shaken,then proceeded to load her bags into the back of

the car and got into the driver's seat..

She was so shaken that she could not get the key into the ignition.

She tried and tried,and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later,she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter,where four pale men were reporting

a car jacking by a mad ,elderly woman described as white,less than five feet

tall,glasses,curly white hair,and carrying a large hand gun.

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A SENIOR MOMENT,MAKE IT A

MEMORABLE ONE"

NAUGHTY WRINKLIES..

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?"

"We can't chew them because we have no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."