CUSTOMS...

A Chinese man moved to Australia after years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a small piece of land near Mt Isa. Soon after, his friendly Aussie neighbour decided to go across

and welcome the new guy. But on his way up the drive-way, the Aussie saw the Chinese man running

around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs',

he decided to visit the Chinese the next day.

The next day, just as he was about to knock on the front door, he saw through the window the

Chinese man urinated into a glass and then drank his own urine. Again not wanting to interrupt

another 'Chinese custom', he decided to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later the Aussie decided to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he saw the

Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, paused, and then put his head next to the bull's bum.

The Aussie bloke couldn't take it anymore, so he went up to the Chinese and said

'Jeez Mate,

what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood

and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and

drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's bum.'

The Chinese was taken back 'Sorry sir, you no understand. These no Chinese customs. I

doing these Australian customs.'

'What do you mean mate' said the Aussie, 'those aren't Australian customs.'

'Yes they are. Man at travel agent tell me' replied the Chinese man.

'He say to become true Australian,

you learn to chase chicks,

drink piss,

and listen to bull-shit!!..

An Australian Love Poem

(An Aussie Valentine).
I am moving to Aussie if men love women like this describes me to a t lol

love the humour xxx

Of course I love ya darlin
You’re a bloody top-notch bird

And when I say you’re gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don’t mind a bit of flab

It means that when I’m ready
There’s somethin there to grab

So your belly isn’t flat no more
I tell ya, I don’t care

So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts

Yurs just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I’m tellin’ ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies

I think its very sexy
That you’ve got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna’s grave now
The moment that we met

I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter what u look like
I’ll always love ya dear

Now shut up while the footballs’ on
And fetch another beer.