SAFETY WITHIN MY FAMILY

This post will be me waffling and I tend to write as I think it in my head as though I am sat facing you and musing. The problem is I tend to jump around like a mountain goat so will be a lot of editing.
What I will ask if you would like to add anything that you have found useful to keep your children safe
Let the waffle begin....

The first thing I learnt that adults should never have secrets with children and if an adult asks you to keep a secret you tell your mum or dad right away.
As a young teenager my mum sat me down for the "boy talk"  things that I remember almost 50 years later and possibly still relevant today.

Firstly don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do, and if they can't take no for an answer then chances are they don't respect your feelings but she also warned me about what was then called "leading a boy on" its not fair and can quickly spiral out of control. (which turned out to be true some men you can't flirt with. without it being taken seriously) Which is not victim blaming but you do have to be aware that there are people out there who don't think the same way. We know they shouldn't touch ect or take advantage but they do and you have to be aware of that.

45+ years ago I was told that if an older man took and interest or said anything that made me uneasy I was to tell an adult be it my mum, gran or a female teacher but I must tell someone.

Now my family and changing times I had boys so it was a bit different but I put in a safety network for them as they got older and dad was no longer around, I knew that as they got older they may not want to talk things over with me but there was always someone trusted they could talk too, not necessarily about abuse but if they got depressed, wanting to know if certain feelings were normal anything really just wanted them to know that no matter what one of us had their back and understood.

My lad at 13 started hanging around with a lad of 19 whose g/f was 13-14 and was a difficult situation as I knew if I pushed he would go behind my back so I used good old fashioned manipulation of my son as I know my sons 😄 I asked him when he was 18 what did he see himself doing? of course he said going out with his mates to the pub hopefully having a car, so I then just casually said do you see yourself hanging around street corners with 13/14 year olds? thats all it took within 2 weeks he had gone back to his usual friends sometimes we just need to sow a seed or two and trust them to come to the right decision.

My boys were taught that no is no and maybe is no.. but again different times.

Now I have granddaughters and society is now very different with social media and online making the world a smaller place.  In my day you rarely met a lad who wasn't known to someone you know or your family would know someone in their family so you got to hear about the "wrong ones" now in the age of the internet you don't have that same security blanket of knowing their family and friends or having someone you know vouch for them.

Things that have been instilled is that up to a certain age their phones are accessible by a parent anytime they want, obviously as they get older it changes. They know all about the dangers of sending pictures more so because they have a family friend whose daughter got publicly shamed when the boy dumped her and then shared a picture of her.

The other thing that has been spoken about to them is how to look out for their friends, to speak out if their friend gets a "secret" boyfriend or changes in various ways and to talk it over with mum or stepmum as they both work together on keeping the children safe.

They have spoken at length about things which affect today's young people such as mental health, self harming, and of course physical, mental and sexual abuse. they have created an environment where all these things are talked about and also if they have concerns about a friend how to tell their friend that they are concerned.
They have also been warned about boys/men who don't want the family to know who they are, as that is a red flag sign, as is wanting to isolate you from friends, wants to look in your phone.

Being a nosey parent is not a bad thing if you think something is wrong then start to look around check the phone check their room rather have a child angry at me then a child who needs help

Its how I found out my lad had started messing with drugs a difficult time but all turned out good but boy was he mad at the time, ask him now and he wouldn't hesitate in doing the same if he thought his child was messing with drugs.

But most of all don't let the world be a place of fear, the girls know that the bad ones are the minority there isn't a bogey man waiting every time they step outside and that the majority of boys and men are like their brother, dad, uncles and cousins.

Give your children confidence to know that no matter what they are loved and nothing is that bad to stop that ever changing and together there is nothing they can't face.

I know I haven't  mentioned my grandsons all this includes them they have the same support and also spoken too about all the various things that affect young people growing up

My one belief is that no child should ever be asked to keep a secret from their family except for birthdays ect.

My life experiences regarding sexual assaults

Where do I begin gosh so many incidents both minor and life changing.
As a child would be about 7/8 yr old we had a old foundry that was being demolished and I wasn't allowed to play there but I did with my friends, there were massive big iron boxes and some older kids who were there thought it would be funny to push me inside with a boy who was about 11/12 and he peed over my dress, I can't begin to tell you how humiliated I was, but because I shouldn't have been there I never told anyone yet today over 50 years later I get stressed in confined places and a MRI scan alone with my thoughts really stresses me. 
As a teenager and how it was back then being sexually harassed was the norm, boys grabbing at you, being pinned down having my blouse ripped open to look at my breasts including it happening on the bus but again I blamed myself as I must have done something to make them think it was ok, so now that mindset is in place.
Now to work, I started in quality control for Courtaulds, part of my job was to check that the cotton was being processed without  issues as it was all piecework back then and obviously if poor quality then staff can't earn as much, following one of the operators round he cut himself so I went got first aid box put a plaster on it and continued with my job, he then grabbed my breast I was 17. I walked off the floor and went and told my supervisor and the outcome was the manager called me into his office, basically me putting a plaster on his finger was encouragement and he told me I was a pretty young woman, the man had a family and didn't realise it was wrong the result he kept his job, I got kept out of that room for 9 months again enforcing it was my fault.
Again at work I was getting into the lift with a young lad when one of the older men said to me "watch him he's a tiger" I jokingly replied "seen more fight in a pussycat" yep you know what's next he stopped the lift to show me he was no pussycat fortunately I fought him off but didn't report it as no point.
Over the years I have been dragged up side streets 3 times, I have lost count of the number of times I have been groped while out or working as bar staff. 
Then it happened I was drugged and raped, someone I grew up with my brother's friend saw me while out and I foolishly let him buy me a drink and as I had already had a few I asked for a coke, the rest of the night is like a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces which over 20 years later I still can't remember, what I can remember bites me at times, and again blamed myself, didn't report it as my mum by then was dying of cancer and also the thought of people knowing I couldn't handle it, I will never get over the shame and guilt I feel at letting down those who I encouraged to report theirs yet I didn't myself. For many years after I let myself go, it was almost 5 years before I wore a dress and went back to being blonde and finding my attitude again.
When I look in the mirror I don't see victim or survivor I see Gail who has been lucky in life to have laughed more then I cried.
Thank you for reading.

Islam, Muslims & me

Back in Feb 1979 when I was 20 years old  the Shah of Iran was replaced by the Ayatollah Khomeini, this was for me a lifetime of learning and understanding.
I was appalled when I read accounts of young women like myself who 1 day woke up and lost their freedoms and identity.
I read about the separation of medical care female doctors having to perform surgery in burkas, no longer higher education available to girls, not able to leave home without a male relative and I was shocked and couldn't believe this was happening at a time when great change was happening for women in the UK.
I absolutely saw the burka as a garment of oppression as women were forced to wear it in public including full face covering, even today still part of me can't help remembering all those that don't have a choice unlike here. 
I then started to read and hear about Sharia law although as no internet we were limited to what we were told and we were told only about the negative and again to me the practises were and yes in some parts of the world are still barbaric although many practises have been stopped.
Yet people don't seem to worry about the equally barbaric canings in Singapore.
The Muslim community where I live started to grow and it seemed like they had in some ways "ghettoised" themselves by all living in the same area, integration was difficult as they seemed to not want anything to do with us.
I heard and listened to how people spoke about them but I have always been a person who needs to understand all sides and views but it was difficult to find someone who I could approach and also back then many women didn't speak English. 
Over time as the Muslim community invested in our communities through various businesses and charity work you see things start to change and with good will on both sides we begin to form friendships, we learnt that their worries about life are the same as ours and that faith isn't what divides us, it's ignorance.
I am still seeing my community changing the young all learn together, play together, have the same hopes and dreams, I see people who just want to live life without hassle, get on with their neighbours along side those who still want to keep the division amongst us.
There will always be extreme views but I have seen in the last 40 years massive changes and although the internet has empowered those that hate to band together, I have also heard less and less negative talk.
My core belief is that you don't punish the child for the sins of the father and you don't punish the majority for the actions of the few.
When I see the hate and negativity towards the Muslim community it is all very reminiscent of the campaign against the Jews by Hitler. Take the actions of the few and apply it to them all, take parts of faith out of context put your own spin on it and make out it's what they all believe today.
It saddens me that since I was old enough to understand racism and bigotry hasn't changed just the victims.

TRANSLATING "MAN CODE"

The Male Code that Women Should Memorize!

"It's a guy thing."

Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means..."I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."

Really means...."The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."

Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means...."Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."

Really means...."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."

Really means...."You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."

Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Angelina Jolie..

"That's women's work."

Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"Will you marry me?"

Really means...."Both my room-mates have moved out, I can't find the
washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"You know how bad my memory is."

Really means...."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of
the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of
every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."

Really means...."The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."

Really means...."I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."

Really means...."I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means...."I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means...."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm
completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"

Really means...."What did you catch me doing?"

"She's one of those rabid feminists."

Really means...."She refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you."

Really means...."I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am
hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't
spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means...."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it
could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means...."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm
starving."

"I brought you a present."

Really means...."It was a free ice scraper night at the football game."

"I missed you."

Really means...."I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we
are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means...."I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will
ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."

Really means...."I make the messes, you clean them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."

Really means...."You're cutting into the time I spend with my car/friends and sport."

"I don't need to read the instructions."

Really means...."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without
printed help."

"I'll fix the waste disposal later."

Really means...."If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a
new one."

DEATH OF COMMONSENSE...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since
his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain
Why the early bird gets the worm
Life isn't always fair
and maybe it was my fault
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers:

I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER:

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last fucking people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!

FASHION ADVICE FOR THE SENIORS

Many of us 'Old Folks' (over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling 'young', we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.

Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2.. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Miniskirts and varicose veins