An American and an Englishman are sharing the same compartment on a
train trip to London from Paris. During their conversation, the American
criticizes the arrogance of the English people. He says to the
Englishmen, “You people have such stiff upper lips that you think your
people are the superior race in the world. You tend to look down on
people not the same as you are. As for me, I’m proud to say that I’m a
quarter Irishman, two fifths French, one sixth American indian a
fifth Jamaican Black and a little German.”

Without batting an eyelash, the Englishman just nods and comments,
“How sporting of your mother.”

maintinance

(P) = Problem (S) = Solution

---

(P) Left inside main tire almost
needs replacement


(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

---

(P) Test flight OK, except
autoland very rough


(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

---

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop
fluid


(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal
seepage

---

(P) Something loose in cockpit


(S) Something tightened in cockpit

---

(P) Evidence of leak on right
main landing gear


(S) Evidence removed

---

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud


(S) Volume set to more believable level

---

(P) Dead bugs on windshield


(S) Live bugs on order

---

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold
mode produces a 200 fpm descent


(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

---

(P) IFF inoperative


(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or
Foe)

---

(P) Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick


(S) That's what they're there for

---

(P) Number three engine missing


(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

---

(P) Aircraft handles funny


(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

---

(P) Target Radar hums


(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

Mothers god bless em

just had to share it is so true xxxxxxxxx

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. ' Because I said so, ! that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP. 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!'