Where do I begin gosh so many incidents both minor and life changing.
As a child would be about 7/8 yr old we had a old foundry that was being demolished and I wasn't allowed to play there but I did with my friends, there were massive big iron boxes and some older kids who were there thought it would be funny to push me inside with a boy who was about 11/12 and he peed over my dress, I can't begin to tell you how humiliated I was, but because I shouldn't have been there I never told anyone yet today over 50 years later I get stressed in confined places and a MRI scan alone with my thoughts really stresses me.
As a teenager and how it was back then being sexually harassed was the norm, boys grabbing at you, being pinned down having my blouse ripped open to look at my breasts including it happening on the bus but again I blamed myself as I must have done something to make them think it was ok, so now that mindset is in place.
Now to work, I started in quality control for Courtaulds, part of my job was to check that the cotton was being processed without issues as it was all piecework back then and obviously if poor quality then staff can't earn as much, following one of the operators round he cut himself so I went got first aid box put a plaster on it and continued with my job, he then grabbed my breast I was 17. I walked off the floor and went and told my supervisor and the outcome was the manager called me into his office, basically me putting a plaster on his finger was encouragement and he told me I was a pretty young woman, the man had a family and didn't realise it was wrong the result he kept his job, I got kept out of that room for 9 months again enforcing it was my fault.
Again at work I was getting into the lift with a young lad when one of the older men said to me "watch him he's a tiger" I jokingly replied "seen more fight in a pussycat" yep you know what's next he stopped the lift to show me he was no pussycat fortunately I fought him off but didn't report it as no point.
Over the years I have been dragged up side streets 3 times, I have lost count of the number of times I have been groped while out or working as bar staff.
Then it happened I was drugged and raped, someone I grew up with my brother's friend saw me while out and I foolishly let him buy me a drink and as I had already had a few I asked for a coke, the rest of the night is like a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces which over 20 years later I still can't remember, what I can remember bites me at times, and again blamed myself, didn't report it as my mum by then was dying of cancer and also the thought of people knowing I couldn't handle it, I will never get over the shame and guilt I feel at letting down those who I encouraged to report theirs yet I didn't myself. For many years after I let myself go, it was almost 5 years before I wore a dress and went back to being blonde and finding my attitude again.
When I look in the mirror I don't see victim or survivor I see Gail who has been lucky in life to have laughed more then I cried.
Thank you for reading.
